Weeping While I Worship: On Finding Hope In A Hotel Room

My church recently went through a sermon series called “Eyes Up.” Over the weekend, I received the opportunity to practice lifting mine. It was not the opportunity I wanted, but I’m learning that being thankful in all circumstances doesn’t mean I must enjoy them.

At the very least, I can be thankful for what they’re producing in me, and rejoice as they’re proof that God is keeping His promise to finish the good work He’s begun in me (Philippians 1:6). On Saturday, we left to visit the small town of Magnolia, TX (not to be confused with the market in Waco), so my husband could serve as a guest preacher at one of our sister churches.

Right before our departure, he pointed out to me the unusual number of visitors at our neighbor’s house. Then he showed me a Facebook post confirming that our neighbor, who had recently been told she had six months to live, had passed away due to cancer. I couldn’t believe it.

As I write this, heartbreak and grief wash over me again. I’m grateful for the time we had with her, and sad because it was way too short. I’m grateful she’s no longer suffering, and I really miss her. Traveling through tears, I wondered how we could serve in light of this devastating loss.

My son also started coughing as we left, and the medicine we brought didn’t seem to be working. He stopped coughing as he slept, only to wake up around 1 in the morning on Sunday with a coughing fit (why do kids seem to always experience sickness in the middle of the night?!).

I tossed, turned, and shed a few tears as I begged God to allow me to be present for my husband’s preaching.

By daylight, I told my husband I’d stay at the hotel with our son. He had thankfully improved, but still coughed on occasion, and we didn’t want others to become sick as a result of his presence. My heart’s sadness was compounded.

The sermon my husband preached just happened to be one he originally preached at our home church last year, the same Sunday our neighbor attended with her sons. Perhaps this was the Lord’s way of reassuring my heart of His nearness and reminding me that no small act of faithfulness is wasted. Staying in a hotel room with a tired toddler felt inconsequential, yet it was where the Lord met me and helped me lift my eyes.

My heart was exceedingly sad, yet He gave me joy. Rather than staring at my circumstances, the Spirit helped me stare at my Savior. He owes me nothing, yet He’s generously given me everything and more in Himself. In the hotel room, I started to list evidence of His grace (read my list below). This practice helped my heart reframe my sadness.

Today, I’m lifting my eyes, trusting that He’s holding the tears they release (Psalm 56:8), confident that one day soon, He’ll wipe them away for good (Revelation 21:4).

1. We got to travel with friends.
2. We’re all healthy. 
3. We have a vehicle to get us home. 
4. The vehicle was a gift. 
5. Owen is feeling better.
6. My husband gets to use his gifts to serve the church.
7. I get more opportunities to be like Jesus which ultimately means more opportunities for joy.
8. Death doesn’t have the final word because it was spoken by Jesus when He said, “It is finished” (John 19:30).
9. We got just enough sleep. 
10. We have (a lot of) coffee. 
11. My kids did well on the drive.
12. I drove for a bit, which is helping me overcome anxiety with driving. 
13. We have an extended checkout time. 
14. God has never been more near because of Jesus. His very Spirit is living in me. I might feel lonely, but I’m never alone.
15. Addie packed Owen’s bag without being asked. 
16. His mercies are new every morning.  
17. God daily bears me up (Psalm 68:19)
18. I have a life group that prays for me.
19. God is good. Whether or not my circumstances are can never change this fact. 
20. I was able to serve my husband by driving for part of the trip. 
21. Our dinner was delicious. 
22. We have meds for my son. 
23. Our hotel is nice.
24. I can work on my Bible study. 
25. I can exercise.
26. I have the life that I prayed for.
27. I can pray anywhere anytime. 
28. God allowed me to have a baby after loss. 
29. There haven’t been any sibling fights on this trip (so far).
30.  Jesus loves me.
31. Jesus has the victory over sin, Satan, and death. 
32. My circumstances do not change my right standing before God and they could never be powerful enough to separate me from His love. 
33. The Holy Spirit advocates for me before the Father, and prays for me when I don’t have words (Romans 8:26). 
34. We worked through conflict quickly. 
35. Technology allows me to participate in Sunday services when my son’s sickness prevents my physical participation in them. 
36. I can work on Scripture memory. 
37. The only thing I need I already have (Jesus). 
38. I was able to bake and bring cookies for the post service potluck. 
39. My husband’s unsaved friend gets to hear the gospel preached. 
40. We don’t have to go to urgent care.
41. I have everything I need to fight spiritual warfare.
42. ALL of the fiery darts of the enemy can be extinguished. It doesn’t mean they won’t come, but their power is truly limited (Ephesians 6:17).
43. The weather is nice. 
44. The kids did great on the drive home
45. We made it home safe & sound.