Grace Based Discipline Book Review

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I’m unsure of how I initially came across Grace Based Discipline by Karis Kimmel Murray but I’m thankful I came across it nonetheless. The title had been on my Thriftbooks wishlist and upon placing a recent order, I decided to add it to my cart. I had been wanting to read Christian books about parenting that align with the Bible and I’m thankful that I found that in Grace Based Discipline. With honesty and humor, Karis shares with readers her own experiences in parenting and ways she and her husband have implemented the book’s concepts in their home. I enjoyed reading about this because it gave me some practical ideas to try with my children. 

The ideas in Grace Based Discipline originated with the author’s parents who were looking for a theology of parenting that was free of fear, sin management, and spiritual image control (pg. 7). This really resonated with me because my heart has been shifting in how I view myself as a parent/discipler. I currently view my primary function in those roles as pointing others to Jesus. This notion reminded me that my job is to plant and water and that if there is any growth, it comes from God alone (1 Corinthians 3:6, Philippians 2:13) through the power of the Holy Spirit. 

My favorite aspect of Grace Based Discipline is the chapter dedicated to understanding God’s word rightly. To help readers do this, Karis introduced the Three Ps on page 72:

“A grace-based home sets the expectation of living by God’s standards so we can fully experience the joy that living within God’s will brings. We want to avoid the pitfall of making things moral or spiritual issues when they’re not. So as we begin the process of setting clear boundaries and expectations, we want to be sure to put the house rules, safety rules, and moral/biblical rules in the correct categories. The best safeguard is what I call the ‘Three Ps.’ As we read the Bible, even if it’s just a small morsel, we should ask: ‘Is this a precept?’ ‘What principles should I apply to myself and my family? ‘Do either of my answers need to change in light of the current biblical precedent?’”

That chapter concluded with the sad and startling story of a family Karis and her siblings grew up with. The parents in that family wrongly emphasized the encounter Jesus had with the rich young ruler and enforced that portion of Scripture as their family’s way of life. It was so wild and sad to read about but I was grateful for the reminder that the way we parent our children shapes their view of God.

On page 162, Grace Based Discipline lists various discipline tactics parents can use some of which include, teaching, distracting, and do-overs (pg. 162). She included commentary about each tactic mentioned which was helpful but what really blessed me was the question she encouraged parents to ask themselves:

“Is this the way God parents me? If you’re still unsure how to respond to your kids’ defiance, ask, ‘How does God respond to me?’ If you’re still unclear about what do to about your kids’ behavior, ask, ‘How does God discipline me? Here’s the thing: our homes are laboratories for the gospel. How we parent, and how we discipline, will be evidence that will either support or disprove whether the gospel is the good news we all claim.”
One aspect of Grace Based Discipline that intrigued me was its gracious treatment of spanking. I’ve quickly grown weary of Christian parenting resources that have treated spanking as if it were a matter of a first importance (1 Corinthians 15:3) and the only biblical option for discipline despite the term “spanking” and the modern employment of it being absent from the pages of Scripture. I was especially grateful for Appendix B in the back of the book which Karis used to offer a balanced approach to this disciplinary option.

Overall, I really enjoyed Grace Based Discipline and found it to be refreshing and freeing. I look forward to implementing its suggestions in my own parenting and hope to read more from Karis Kimmel Murray in the future.

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