“Let’s check your shorts to make sure you’re in dress code.” Something like this was said to me by a female staff member at my Christian high school. I was wearing a tank top and jean shorts and had to stand with my hands flat against my sides to ensure my shorts’ length exceeded that of my fingertips. I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of shame and like something was wrong with my body and ultimately, me. The dress code contained double standards, and my outfit, it turned out, was completely within the bounds of the school’s dress code. Looking back, this humiliating experience troubles me.
The school’s dress code focused on managing external appearances, yet neglected to account for students’ hearts. While “modest is hottest” is common Christian vernacular, it’s worth examining whether biblical modesty is primarily about clothes. What we believe about modesty shapes the way we approach it. The Christian call to rightly handle the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15), along with love of God and neighbor, should motivate our pursuit of modesty in both word and deed. To peel back the layers on this unnecessarily contentious topic, here are three modesty myths reconsidered through the lens of Scripture.
Myth #1: Biblical Modesty is Primarily About Clothing
The ESV Bible (the translation I primarily use) mentions the English word modesty only twice. There are two verses about modesty in Scripture. There are many more on holiness, repentance, abiding, evangelism, etc. How frequently the Bible speaks to an issue likely indicates how we should prioritize it. In an effort to rightly handle God’s word, it may be wise not to expend more time and energy on this topic than God Himself does. It’s also helpful to note that of the two verses mentioning modesty, the first one is a metaphor for both men and women about covering unpresentable parts (1 Corinthians 12:23). This leaves us with just one verse, or far less than 1% of the Bible, mentioning modesty for women.
Continuing a sentence begun in verse 8, 1 Timothy 2:9 says, “likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire.” Here, Paul is not commanding women to dress modestly; he’s instructing them to adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty. Interestingly, Paul didn’t list female apparel that would be considered respectable. The Greek word used for respectable in 1 Timothy 2:9 is kosmios (κόσμιος), and its meaning is more about conduct than clothing. Kosmios shares a root with the Greek word used for respectable in 1 Timothy 3:2, which is addressed to men, specifically those who desire to be pastors. While many attempts to manage modesty contain double standards, the Bible’s call to respectable living isn’t targeted at one gender.
In 1 Timothy 2:9, the Greek word used for modest is aidós (αἰδοῦς). This is the only time this word appears in Scripture. According to one source,” . . . αἰδώς stands alongside σωφροσύνη (“self-control”) to describe the posture of women in public worship. Paul is not merely prescribing wardrobe but calling for behavior that reflects a heart oriented toward God’s holiness and the edification of the gathered church.” Aidós was a concept in ancient Greek culture that was so highly valued that a goddess was named after it. This concept wasn’t about clothing, but character.
Paul wrote 1 Timothy 2:9 to address women who were flaunting their wealth in worship services, not to pin male lust on females. This is an important consideration in modern Christian discussions on modesty, as a woman can be completely covered and have a heart that is far from the Lord. Many religions require this, yet their followers do not worship the One true God. A Christian approach to modesty should compel attention to Christ and magnify the beauty of the gospel, which isn’t “Wear certain apparel and avoid other apparel and you will be saved,” but, “. . . if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved,” (Romans 10:9). True biblical modesty is ultimately a matter of worship, not wardrobe, and it starts in the heart.
Myth #2: Not Stumbling A Brother Refers to Clothing Choices
A primary tenet in the Christian discussion on modesty is that Christian women are not to stumble Christian men who may be battling lust. The term “stumbling a brother” comes from Romans 14, where Paul uses it multiple times. Romans 14:21 says, “It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble.” Paul didn’t have bikinis in mind when he wrote this, as they didn’t yet exist, so likely his purposes go deeper than clothing. This passage is a part of Paul’s letter to the church in Rome. The culture of that day heavily involved sacrificing food to false gods as a form of idol worship. Some Christians felt free to consume the food, while others, knowing how it was used, did not. Those whose consciences were unbothered by consuming the food chose license over love. They were free in Christ to consume the food, but rather than using their freedom to serve others in love (Galatians 5:13), they sought to serve themselves. This same freedom exists for clothing choices, and love for Christ should compel us as we make them.
Christian women are free in Christ to dress how they desire, and a woman who fears the Lord will desire to dress in a way that is pleasing to Him. She understands that having the freedom and legal right to do something doesn’t mean it’s wisest or best to do it (1 Corinthians 6:12, 1 Corinthians 10:23). When a Christian exploits freedom for selfishness rather than selflessness, they cease living in freedom (Galatians 5:1). In such cases, exploitation becomes enslavement. This is the opposite of what we are called to (1 Corinthians 10:24, Philippians 2:3-4). Paul’s point in not stumbling a brother is that souls are at stake. Rightly using our freedoms can attract unbelievers to the beauty and majesty of Jesus. Abusing our freedoms risks repelling unbelievers from cultivating curiosity about Christianity.
Myth #3: Lust is Only A Male Problem, and It’s Resolved by Women Dressing Modestly
Allowing the fact that male lust exists to dictate what women wear assumes that male lust can be mitigated simply by women only wearing certain clothing items. Yet a woman can dress in a variety of ways that are honoring to God, and a man can still lust after her, and what causes one person to lust may not cause another person to lust. Rather than placing burdens on women that are not theirs to bear, we do well to remember that Jesus placed the responsibility of lust on the one who lusts (Matthew 5:28-30).
What if, rather than approaching modesty out of fear that some men may lust, we modeled for each other the beauty of repentance, reminding those battling lust that “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Proverbs 28:13) and “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ,” (Romans 8:1)? Jesus was powerful enough to save us from sin, making Him abundantly capable of sanctifying us by His Spirit. God promises to finish the good work He’s begun in His children, and no battle against lust will ever be powerful enough to thwart Him (John 10:28, Philippians 1:6).
I know of brothers in Christ who have succumbed to the sin of lust, yet lust didn’t have the final word in their sanctification story because it was spoken by Jesus when He said, “It is finished” (John 19:30). These brothers have done the hard and holy work of walking the road of repentance and restoration. I also know of sisters who have battled lust. I remember serving at a church youth summer camp where my female students were distracted during small group sessions, sharing about which male volunteers they found attractive. Some of these volunteers wore swim trunks that sat low on their hips, and when brought to the attention of a leader, her response was, “Men aren’t called to be modest.”
This is a disheartening double standard. There isn’t a Bible verse instructing men to adorn themselves with modesty, but the call to consider the needs of others as more important than our own is for all Christians (1 Corinthians 10:24, Philippians 2:3-4). The more we treat lust as only a male issue, the less safe the church becomes for women to confess and pursue repentance. The church should never be a safe place to sin, but it should be the safest place for sinners to confess, repent, and find renewed hope in Jesus.
The idea that lust can be resolved by females dressing modestly is confusing at best and damaging at worst. It places the responsibility of some men’s sins on all women. And it leaves us asking more questions than it answers. What is modest dress? What does modest dress entail? How do we know what it entails? Who decides what it entails? Western Christians may be quick to assume it means avoiding certain articles of clothing, yet many of today’s accepted articles of clothing would’ve been shocking to Scripture’s original audiences, so where do we go from here?
I once heard of a pastor decreasing the temperature in his church’s sanctuary so women would be forced to cover up. My husband recently started listening to a sermon on 1 Timothy. He stopped listening when the pastor directed younger women to find an older woman to go through their wardrobes with them to determine what passed as modest and what didn’t.
Stories like this should grieve us. Policing people through dress code enforcement does not produce heart change. These fear based actions modify external behaviors and miss the heart. Imagine what damage this might do to the sister who’s only dressed provocatively before coming to Christ and is young in her faith. God’s primary concern is not her physical adornment, but her spiritual adornment; may it be ours too.
Rather than weighing whether or not to wear certain clothing items, Christians must first remember that they are robed in a righteousness not their own (Isaiah 61:10). When we encounter others who may not be dressing in a manner we deem acceptable, we should believe the best (1 Corinthians 13:7) and proceed with patience (1 Corinthians 13:4). True biblical modesty isn’t as concerned with what someone is wearing as it is with why they are wearing it. Woe to us if we ever approach someone caring more about what is on their body than what’s in their heart (1 Samuel 16:7, 1 Peter 3:4).
When Christian attempts at modesty manifest themselves in legalistic dress codes, it cheapens the gospel. The goal of helping some men avoid temptation by covering up isn’t necessarily bad, but it’s likely too small. Rather than encouraging or requiring women to avoid certain clothing items to mitigate male lust, a more helpful approach may be to make it our aim in every area, including dress, to please Christ (2 Corinthians 5:9).
Rather than letting the fear of some men sinning in a particular way dictate how women dress, let’s be motivated by Christ’s love and allow it to drive our discussions and decisions about dress. May we clothe ourselves, like Christ, with all humility (Philippians 2:5-8, 1 Peter 5:5), which is modesty in its truest form. May we remember that biblical modesty isn’t so much about avoiding certain apparel as it is about being adorned by, “. . .the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious,” (1 Peter 3:4). This imperishable beauty culminates in Jesus, who exchanged our rags of filth (Isaiah 64:6) for His robe of righteousness (Isaiah 61:10). May knowing He went the ultimate distance to dress us compel our delight in Him. May love for Him always motivate our modesty.
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